


It Still Abandons Me Not

by jesterlady



Category: Being Human, Being Human (UK)
Genre: Angst, Canon Rewrite, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Gen, One Shot, Redemption, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mitchell runs for absolution.  Where he ends up is not where he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Still Abandons Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own BH. Some lines are from the show. The title is by Dante.  
> A/N: Alternate end to 2x5.

Drip.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Each splash of blood on the floor thundered in his ears, a white hot stabbing sound of guilt and intent.

Drip. Drip.

Mitchell could only gaze at it for so long before he had to get away, had to do something, find somewhere, someone. He'd fallen again. Not through the hunger, not through the cowardice, this was new but so familiar; this was like the rage he'd worked himself up to on the battlefield once upon a time. A righteous kill, done for the right (he hoped they were) reasons, was still a kill.

Mitchell ran, ran through the side door, out into the night, the dripping still echoing in his ears. He wasn't quite sure where his pounding feet were going to lead him. Briefly his thoughts flitted to the pink house he called home but he'd alienated them again and he was supposed to be the strong one there.

There were so many last times when he'd had to pick himself up again. But the one time he'd felt any surety, oh, the moment that changed everything, had been because of her. So now…someone like her would have to do because she'd already given her all to him, had his Josie.

He was supposed to be meeting Lucy anyway. Mitchell ran harder, his breath escaping his body like his memories couldn't. She could save him. He just needed someone who saw through him, who wouldn't take his crap, someone who truly cared about people.

Mitchell pounded on the door, chest heaving, and he blinked in surprise because the door wasn't the door he'd thought he was running toward. He'd run home, he'd beat on his own door. Annie had pulled it open and was looking at him with the look he'd never wanted to inspire in her plastered on her face.

"Mitchell, what happened?" she asked, pulling him inside.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he babbled over and over.

Coherent thought wasn't mixing well with the surprise and the defensiveness he wanted to portray.

"Mitchell, tell me what's going on, you're scaring me."

"I didn't want you to see me like this," he finally managed to say.

Annie pulled off his jacket and put him down on the couch. She walked into the kitchen and he heard her dialing the phone, muffled words, and then the tap running. Slowly the reality of his situation sank in and Mitchell ran his hands through his hair. The sweat on his face mixed with the blood and ran into his mouth. He shuddered. It still felt warm. He had to fight to keep from licking his lips and taking advantage of every last drop of blood. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture the empty eyes staring at him, cold and lifeless. There was satisfaction in the memory and that's what scared him most of all.

"I don't have to kill," he said inside his head over and over again.

A warm cloth touched his face and he flinched and opened his eyes. Annie knelt in front of him, cleansing his face, and he saw her in a light he never had before. It was a perfect moment of clarity and he felt dirty to be in front of her, the light from the lamp surrounding her head, lighting up her form in beauty and purity, reminding him too painfully of all the things in life he couldn't and shouldn't have.

"No, don't," he said, shying away. "I don't deserve it."

"Mitchell, what have you done?" she asked, continuing to wash the blood off him, as if that would somehow wash away the deed.

"He just kept on pushing me," said Mitchell miserably. "I had to do it for everyone, don't you see? He wanted me to kill. There are monsters in this world, Annie, but not all of them are vampires, werewolves, or ghosts."

"You killed a human? A human wanted you to kill? What, what are you talking about? Mitchell, what did you do? Why on earth would you do it?"

Her hands started to shake and he caught hold of them.

"They want to make us savage again. They want the chaos, they want the horror and I can't allow that to happen. I have to protect…all of us. And all of you."

"You're not making any sense," Annie said. "But don’t worry, I called George, he's on his way."

"Oh, George," said Mitchell, suddenly scooting back and feeling panicked. "No wonder he wants to move out."

"Mitchell, stop it. Just…explain. Please."

Mitchell opened his eyes and looked at her kneeling in front of him. She was so clear and open, Annie, everything on display, her earnest desire for good overwhelming her other defects. If he told her the truth then she would probably never speak to him again, but then again…if he was looking for true good to help him, he couldn't ask for better. He hadn't wanted to place that burden on her before, hadn't even wanted to think about it, but it appeared the moment had come anyway.

"I think it's under control," he said slowly, then the words started to flow out of him, "but it's just sleeping, this rage, this hunger…it's in my bones and I-I wanna stop."

In his mind he was back in that house earlier that night, watching a crumbled, shriveled, beaten man begging for life and begging for mercy, all the while covered in his own filthy sin. Now Mitchell was that man and instead of killing that man, Mitchell had killed someone else, to protect that evil and guard against another evil he'd somehow deemed the worst of the two.

"I thought you had stopped," Annie said, the tears starting to fall down her face.

"I tried, Annie, believe me, I've tried. It never goes away and I thought this time I could do it by myself but the conditions aren't right."

"What conditions do you need?" Annie asked.

Mitchell looked sharply at her, leaning forward and grasping at her hands again.

"I can do it, I know I can. I need someone to help me. Someone to change my life for."

"Weren't we enough for you?" Annie asked, her voice trembling.

"I'm so sorry," he said, kneeling beside her now. "One more chance, that's all I need, I want this so much but I can't do it alone. Please, please I'm begging you. Save me."

"Mitchell, I don't even know what you've done," she said.

He quieted for a moment, recalling again the empty stare and the hot burst of blood.

In that moment George burst through the door and tripped over his feet falling beside them in the living room.

"What, what's happened?" he asked. "Mitchell, are you okay? Did you do something? What's going on? Annie, you sounded hysterical. Are you okay? Mitchell? Tell me, you arrogant bastard, just tell me!"

Mitchell smiled through his tears because for one odd moment during George's panic attack, he'd felt whole, like there was peace in his tortured mind.

"I'm calling a house meeting," he said faintly.

George let out a loose breath and slumped down.

"You scared me to death, you wanker."

"I should scare you," said Mitchell dully. "I am the monster, George. I couldn't deal with you bringing Sam and Molly in here because I'm the monster. It wouldn't be safe for them here. You'd leave. You'd be right to leave. But I didn't want you to leave me."

"So you were just being an ass and all that stuff about us moving too fast was-"

"No, no, you were still moving too fast," Mitchell said, the ghost of a smile on his face.

"Boys, you're getting off the point," hissed Annie. "George, something terrible's happened. Make him tell us."

"Is that blood all over your shirt?" squeaked George. "Whose blood?"

"Herrick died," Mitchell said and they stared at him like he'd grown two heads. "There was a power vacuum. It was my fault and I had to assume responsibility. Think about it, bloodthirsty monsters on the rampage without a leader. I had to fix it. I had to stop the killing."

"We got that part," said George.

"No," said Mitchell. "You don't understand vampires. You don't understand the system. It's worked for hundreds of years and it has to. It has to protect both sides. I always thought it was mostly us protecting…everything. I didn't understand the humans who…they want to turn us into animals, into their mindless killing executioners and they'll destroy us."

"Who, who are you talking about?" asked Annie.

"The Commissioner," said Mitchell. "I had to put the system back in place. He had me threaten the coroner's grandchildren, killed a witness to an attack, when they pulled me out of bed the other night it was to kill a repeat offender for them. When I refused he just kept pushing and pushing. I didn't know what to do. Those vampires still need the system in place. Almost all of them are off blood full time, but there has to be a backup in case. We're so close and it's all on my head, all of it."

"What happened?" asked George in a low voice, exchanging glances with Annie.

"I can't," said Mitchell, holding his head. "He wanted me to be an animal. He refused to believe I could change. I have to be believed in, George, oh, I can't do this on my own. What am I saving them from if all they want from me is blood and anger and rage? What can I do?" He shuddered, rocking in place, hiding from them in shame and anger, hating that he was so weak in front of them. He was supposed to help them not the other way around. "I tore out his throat," he finally whispered.

Annie made a hurt, horrified sound and George began breathing more heavily.

"Mitchell…" Annie finally breathed.

"I know, I know," he said. "Help me, oh, just help me. I don't know what to do anymore."

There was silence for a moment while Mitchell continued to cry.

"Just now?" George finally asked. Mitchell nodded. "Well, what's going to happen? Will the police come?"

"I can…clean it up," said Mitchell, finally looking up with desperate eyes. "But I don't want to clean it up. I don't want to do this, be responsible for them all. I'm not ready. I can't even do this on my own, how am I supposed to lead them? I tell them not to kill but I've just left a corpse in our place of business!"

"What can we do?" Annie said. Mitchell looked at her and her eyes were sad but determined. She reached out her hand and placed it on his cheek. "We're your friends, Mitchell; we're here to help you."

"How can you treat me like this?" he whispered.

She smiled and kissed his cheek, a chill burst of moisture on his face.

"We're stronger together," she said. "I need you to survive and you need us. So let's do it."

"But I-" said Mitchell, looking at George who was crying now.

"I beat my boss in the toilets," said George slowly in between deep breaths. "I wanted to kill him and beat his bloody head to a pulp. It wasn't just that, well, that the wolf was acting out; the man was an ass and a prick. Humanity…isn't always kind or right, but it's still there and still needs protecting. And…maybe you need protecting too."

"I don't deserve it, but I need it," Mitchell groaned. "I'm supposed to help you."

"Shut up," said George. "That's what got you into this mess in the first place. This has been going on for months now. We ask you what's wrong and you blow us off. We, we aren't children who need your instruction; we're your friends…who need your support. We do that for each other and then we don't go on murder sprees, do you see how that works?"

"Simple as that, is it?" asked Mitchell, his head clearing under George's ire.

"Nothing's simple anymore," said George. "I, I can't even move out of the house without something going wrong. But this is on you, Mitchell. You can't keep shutting Annie and I out and then expect us to back you or help you or even to understand you. It's all or nothing from this point on, do you…understand?"

Mitchell held his breath for a long moment. Could he be as selfish as all that? Could it really work? He looked again at Annie and the warmth of her heart despite the cold of her body seemed to wash over him in waves. She looked lighter to him, like a representation of hope in his beleaguered world.

"What do you get out of it?" he asked.

"We get you," Annie said as if it was obvious. "We get this, the house, our family. We get your help when we need it. Like when George starts beating people up and I start kidnapping babies. Like when he's going through a breakup and when the other side tries to drag me to hell. All of us are going through something, Mitchell, we have our own demons. If we stick together…that's when we're strong."

"I'm sorry I ran away," Mitchell answered, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm used to doing things on my own. I'm used to being the one to handle it all. This is…too much for me."

"You're quite clearly lost without us," said George. "But that brings us back to my original question. Do you understand what I said about you needing to be forthcoming in the future, about not lying to protect us?"

Mitchell nodded, a feeling of peace beginning inside and spreading to his face in the form of a smile. Suddenly the answer seemed so easy and he wondered why he hadn't taken advantage of it before. The guilt throbbed inside his head, but he felt lighter than he had in months.

"I don't ever want to lose you two," he said. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"House meeting's not done yet," said George, brushing away his tears. "You still need to wash up more often."

"Oh, and do the shopping," said Annie, sniffling. "We're running out of tea again."

"If we're onto things that should happen," said Mitchell, "George, what are you going to do about Sam?"

"Well," George said, "you might have been a bit right about the rushing it bit. She wasn't too terribly…ecstatic about the idea of moving out with me. Molly probably would've run away rather than move in with me. I doubt I'll be moving out tomorrow though I still plan on dating Sam. But it, it was rather obvious that as soon as Annie called and I nearly killed myself getting here in record time…that my true priorities lie in this stupid house."

"Oi, don't call my house stupid," said Annie, punching George lightly.

Mitchell couldn't help but keep smiling. He loved them both. He was always afraid of telling them, but he did.

"I just need…someone to believe in me," he said brokenly.

"We do," said Annie and she laid her head on Mitchell's shoulder and George budged up close on the other side of him.

Mitchell closed his eyes and didn't replay the terror of the last hour. Oh, the problem was still there and he'd have to deal with it. He had to start all over again, the practical details of which could be worked out later. There was a very long road ahead of him and he'd added one more nightmare for his eternal life. For now, he just needed to be here in this place with these people. It was where his humanity would shine, it was where his values came from, and it was where he felt at home.  



End file.
